Motherhood

Two wrongs don’t make a right

Posted by

0

The fiesty and outspoken owner of Marcy’s Diner is taking the internet by storm. Must have been a slow news week. Cause really, is this news?

It’s a classic case of she said/she said. Diner owner claims that a toddler screamed for an hour due to lack of pancakes and parental intervention. Mom to toddler claims it was only ten minutes and they were on their way out anyway. Cue the Mom on Mom and girl on girl shaming and proselytizing about parenting.

Not that anyone asked me, but here is what I think: two wrongs don’t make a right. Both the diner owner and the mother were wrong in this situation.

Diner Owner

  • Screaming at a child is never ok.
  • Screaming at a child that is not yours is doubly not ok.
  • You run a business. Act like a businesswoman, not an annoyed onlooker.
  • Smiles diffuse tension.
  • Problem solve instead of shaming.
  • Offer smaller pancakes on a smaller plate. “More juice or milk? Can I move you to a more secluded table where you will have more space for the little one?”
  • Your behavior dictates how your staff will act. Your staff now thinks it is ok to yell at customers.

Parents (because by all accounts there was a dad there, too. Huh. NO ONE is talking about him!)

  • Snacks. For god’s sake, snacks!
  • Sippy cups!
  • Even if your precious one was only crying for ten minutes, that is still a long time. Reverse the roles. Would you be tolerant of a screaming kid if you were out to breakfast? No, you wouldn’t. You say you would, but you’re lying.
  • Your child might be the center of your universe, but your child is not the center of the universe. Please teach her this before she comes to college and I have to advise her.
  • Age appropriate toys for kiddo to play with.
  • Books. Crayons.
  • Stand up and walk around restaurant. Point out pictures on the walls.
  • Go outside. Ok, you said it was raining. And? Last time I checked no toddler melted from rain.

Parenting is HARD. Taking your children out to eat is HARD, but it can be done. But both sides need to bend. This Marcy’s Diner bit is a case of ignorance on both sides.

Now I want pancakes. And bacon. And coffee.

Is it time to go home, yet?

Lessons learned from girls’ week at the beach

Posted by

0

I spent all of last week in Pentwater, Michigan, at Hilltop Cottage. I rented it from myself to celebrate my 40th birthday with my girlfriends. I spent a lot of time thinking and not thinking about stuff. I have to confess I didn’t miss Twitter, or Facebook, and I sure as heck didn’t miss my job. Girlfriends came in and out all week and then families joined us on July 3 for beach, s’mores, and fireworks. It was one of the best weeks of my life.

The rules were simple: There were no rules and no judgments.

In no particular order, here are some things I realized last week:

  1. Midwestern friendship circles are hard to break into. People grew up here and raise their families here, so many of their friendships are already established. This isn’t personal in the sense that it isn’t about me. But it is personal to me. Took me awhile to figure that out.
  2. I found my tribe. Now I need to nurture it.

    My Tribe.

    Find your tribe. It’s ok if it takes longer than you thought. Once found, hold on tight.

  3. I’m lucky that my job does not require me to check-in while I am on vacation. I didn’t check my work email or voicemail once. I don’t think that I want a job that would require me to do so.
  4. Be generous. If you have something fun- a cottage, boat, convertible, whatever-, share it with others. “Stuff” is just stuff unless you share it. Make memories together.
  5. Be grateful. Never walk into a party empty-handed. My girls came bearing gifts- drinks, dinners ready to go, and tons of snacks! And then, when they had to go home, they left the goodies with those who remained.
  6. Be gracious. Spend time with those who feed your soul. Spend real time with them. Look into their eyes. Say thank you for the gift that they are to you.
  7. Empty the dishwasher.
  8. Reload the dishwasher. And the ice trays.
  9. I deserve to be pampered. We can only give what is inside our own tanks. I am worth every ounce of luxury this week provided me and so are ALL OF YOU- especially my fellow mommas. As moms we are quick to celebrate others but not ourselves. This needs to stop.
  10. I will continue to resist mom-guilt. I will not allow myself to feel guilty for taking care of myself and I will continue to resist anyone else who tries to make feel guilty. I missed my boys while I was away. But I deserved this week. The end.
  11. 40 is no joke. It is a privilege denied to many. I made it this far. I’m going to work smarter to make the most of it. I’m content, satisfied, and no longer willing to play politics or games.
Content. Satisfied.

Content. Satisfied. 40th Birthday Bash. PTW. July 2015

(P.S. 40 is no joke….detoxing from all the sugar and booze was a little painful come Monday 😉 )

More than crumbs

Posted by

0

On the boys’ last day of school, I posted this photo on facebook and instagram:

Full

Full

100+ people liked it.

I was not one of them.

When the weekend was over and the high of the first days of summer waned, I looked at this photo. I didn’t see a happy mother whose arms are full of boys. I saw make-up that needed re-touching, crow’s feet, and gray roots. I saw all that was missing. Or, what I thought was missing.

I had a doctor’s appointment this morning and the first thing I had to do was step on the scale. Blerg! The numbers staring back at me were high. Higher than they have been in a long time. I texted a friend and said “Must exercise. Now.”

All of this is happening as I prep to go back to our cottage in Pentwater (where the above photo was taken ) tomorrow and spend a kid-free week (A WHOLE FREAKING WEEK!!!!!) with some girlfriends to celebrate my 40th birthday. I am hoping for some sun and naps on the beach. That will require a bathing suit and usually involves more self-loathing.

Not one of my friends will say anything to me about my appearance in my suit. And if they did, screw them. That’s not a friend! They are coming to have fun, to also have some kid-free down time, to drink wine, and laugh. As well they should. As well I should.

Not one of my friends commented on what was “missing” from the photo above. Because, nothing is missing. I am complete and whole and worthy just as I am.

So, why am I saying these things to myself? Why am I quick to uplift friends and support them unconditionally, but just as quick to tear myself down? There is a meme that circulates that says, “How you speak to your children become their inner voice.” The same applies to me.

My goal for the rest of 40 is to really focus on being kind with, and to, myself. I am worth it. I can no longer give and give to others and leave the crumbs for me. No one made me do this. No one has guilted me into acting and feeling this way. I have done this to myself, as I know many other women (especially moms) have as well. I got myself into this and it is just as important for me to dig myself back out.

Yes, I need to exercise again. But, I need to do it for me. I need to do it because it helps me mentally. I need to do it to relieve stress and have fun. Exercise is free therapy and a great salve for depression. I know this. I need to focus on this. If weight loss happens as a result, great. Just like I would say all these encouraging things to a friend, I will start saying them to myself.