Things that make me want to quit the internet

Husband shaming. I get it. You’re just trying to be funny. You’re venting. But you chose the man. No one forced you. Your online whining about him says more about you than him. Chances are he’s not the oof that you’re making him out to be and you really love him. But if you’re baiting people with funny headlines just to get clicks and this is all you write, then how do people know what to believe?

Kid shaming. You chose to be a parent. If they’re brats, it’s because you made them that way. Children come out of the womb innocent and pure. Everything they know is learned behavior. How to behave (or not), how to love, how to apologize (or not), how to follow rules (or not), how to act in restaurants (or not). Maybe they’re acting out because they want your time and attention…? Although the fast pace of current society would have us believe that nothing lasts forever, we all know that’s not true. Your blog will live forever. What if your kid sees what you wrote? How will you explain that you threw them under the bus to get some laughs?

People who treat their pets better than their kids. 

People who treat their pets like their kids. No. Just no.

Non-parents who offer parenting advice. Feel free to continue to talk about us behind our backs, but unless you’ve walked a mile in these parenting shoes, please keep your tips to yourself. And suggesting sterilization isn’t cute or funny. It’s crass and offensive.

Woman-on-woman shaming. 

People who write drivel about introverts being shy and awkward. Nope. It’s energy. Introverts are energized by the inner world of thoughts and ideas and find most small talk a waste of time. We’re not shy. We’re not awkward. We’re just different. Please move on.

Life hacks. If it were really that big of a life hack, someone would’ve figured it out already. And why is everything a shortcut? Shit doesn’t just happen. Thou shalt hustle.

Posts telling me how to feel. “Just try to not lose it when this celebrity gets married for the fifth time. You’ll bawl your eyes out!” Um, no I won’t. I’ve bawled my eyes out. It was not over a celebrity nor will it ever be.

National (insert stupid food here) day! If every day is special, then nothing is special. If everything is a crisis then nothing is a crisis. Can we all just chill the hell out?

Ads telling me I need to lose weight.

Ads selling me products to help me lose weight.

Grammatical errors.

Typos. Spellcheck, people. Learn it, know it, use it!

ALL THE CAPS! The exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The emojis (didn’t they used to be emoticons?). Enough already.

Trolls.

Racism.

Misogyny.

Whiners. Whoops.

Two wrongs don’t make a right

The fiesty and outspoken owner of Marcy’s Diner is taking the internet by storm. Must have been a slow news week. Cause really, is this news?

It’s a classic case of she said/she said. Diner owner claims that a toddler screamed for an hour due to lack of pancakes and parental intervention. Mom to toddler claims it was only ten minutes and they were on their way out anyway. Cue the Mom on Mom and girl on girl shaming and proselytizing about parenting.

Not that anyone asked me, but here is what I think: two wrongs don’t make a right. Both the diner owner and the mother were wrong in this situation.

Diner Owner

  • Screaming at a child is never ok.
  • Screaming at a child that is not yours is doubly not ok.
  • You run a business. Act like a businesswoman, not an annoyed onlooker.
  • Smiles diffuse tension.
  • Problem solve instead of shaming.
  • Offer smaller pancakes on a smaller plate. “More juice or milk? Can I move you to a more secluded table where you will have more space for the little one?”
  • Your behavior dictates how your staff will act. Your staff now thinks it is ok to yell at customers.

Parents (because by all accounts there was a dad there, too. Huh. NO ONE is talking about him!)

  • Snacks. For god’s sake, snacks!
  • Sippy cups!
  • Even if your precious one was only crying for ten minutes, that is still a long time. Reverse the roles. Would you be tolerant of a screaming kid if you were out to breakfast? No, you wouldn’t. You say you would, but you’re lying.
  • Your child might be the center of your universe, but your child is not the center of the universe. Please teach her this before she comes to college and I have to advise her.
  • Age appropriate toys for kiddo to play with.
  • Books. Crayons.
  • Stand up and walk around restaurant. Point out pictures on the walls.
  • Go outside. Ok, you said it was raining. And? Last time I checked no toddler melted from rain.

Parenting is HARD. Taking your children out to eat is HARD, but it can be done. But both sides need to bend. This Marcy’s Diner bit is a case of ignorance on both sides.

Now I want pancakes. And bacon. And coffee.

Is it time to go home, yet?

Lessons learned from girls’ week at the beach

I spent all of last week in Pentwater, Michigan, at Hilltop Cottage. I rented it from myself to celebrate my 40th birthday with my girlfriends. I spent a lot of time thinking and not thinking about stuff. I have to confess I didn’t miss Twitter, or Facebook, and I sure as heck didn’t miss my job. Girlfriends came in and out all week and then families joined us on July 3 for beach, s’mores, and fireworks. It was one of the best weeks of my life.

The rules were simple: There were no rules and no judgments.

In no particular order, here are some things I realized last week:

  1. Midwestern friendship circles are hard to break into. People grew up here and raise their families here, so many of their friendships are already established. This isn’t personal in the sense that it isn’t about me. But it is personal to me. Took me awhile to figure that out.
  2. I found my tribe. Now I need to nurture it.

    My Tribe.

    Find your tribe. It’s ok if it takes longer than you thought. Once found, hold on tight.

  3. I’m lucky that my job does not require me to check-in while I am on vacation. I didn’t check my work email or voicemail once. I don’t think that I want a job that would require me to do so.
  4. Be generous. If you have something fun- a cottage, boat, convertible, whatever-, share it with others. “Stuff” is just stuff unless you share it. Make memories together.
  5. Be grateful. Never walk into a party empty-handed. My girls came bearing gifts- drinks, dinners ready to go, and tons of snacks! And then, when they had to go home, they left the goodies with those who remained.
  6. Be gracious. Spend time with those who feed your soul. Spend real time with them. Look into their eyes. Say thank you for the gift that they are to you.
  7. Empty the dishwasher.
  8. Reload the dishwasher. And the ice trays.
  9. I deserve to be pampered. We can only give what is inside our own tanks. I am worth every ounce of luxury this week provided me and so are ALL OF YOU- especially my fellow mommas. As moms we are quick to celebrate others but not ourselves. This needs to stop.
  10. I will continue to resist mom-guilt. I will not allow myself to feel guilty for taking care of myself and I will continue to resist anyone else who tries to make feel guilty. I missed my boys while I was away. But I deserved this week. The end.
  11. 40 is no joke. It is a privilege denied to many. I made it this far. I’m going to work smarter to make the most of it. I’m content, satisfied, and no longer willing to play politics or games.
Content. Satisfied.

Content. Satisfied. 40th Birthday Bash. PTW. July 2015

(P.S. 40 is no joke….detoxing from all the sugar and booze was a little painful come Monday 😉 )