Mid-Career

Mantra #3: Go Where You’re Respected

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Do you love yourself enough to go where you’re celebrated and not just tolerated? πŸ’œ

As a small business owner an N of 1, being sick can be terrifying. Not only do you not feel well physically, but you worry about your business. It feels as if there are literal dollars flowing down the drain.

Yet, I know (in my old age πŸ™‚ that resting is important and really, the only way to get better fast.

When I am sick, I have to cancel appointments, calling or texting clients at odd hours to apologize and change plans, hopefully giving them enough notice not to cause too much disruption.

Fortunately, a𝙑𝙑 of my clients have been gracious and understanding. Some of them aren’t even clients yet! They have sent me quick emails wishing me quick recovery and have already rescheduled. Thank you!

This is a far cry from my last job where I was scolded for not calling in sick before 8am every day. No one called or emailed me to see how I was doing. And when I was finally well enough to return, I was met with a “letter in my file” for violating a (non-existent) “attendance policy.”πŸ™„

I am finally in a professional place where I am loved and celebrated. It took years to build my business and I’m grateful for it every day. I truly love what I do and I’m honored to work with amazing people.

I was barely tolerated in my last job.

I stayed for all kinds of reasons. Most of them bad. And all of them false, because they were rooted in fear, not love.

You are allowed to be loved- at home, with family and friends, in school, and yes, at work.

If you aren’t. I’m so sorry. I know how painful that is. It makes you doubt yourself. It makes you think you’re going crazy.

You’re not crazy and you’re not wrong.

You’re allowed to be celebrated.

You’re allowed to want more.

You’re allowed to love yourself.

Trust yourself

50 Mantras for Turning 50

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2025 is a big year for me and my business, Sheldrake Consulting, LLC.

I turned 50 in April. πŸŽ‚

And Sheldrake was TEN in February. πŸŽ‰

I’ve spent many hours pondering (worrying) about whether to share that or not.

As many women know, ageism and sexism are alive and well.

But, it would be pretty darn hypocritical of me to coach clients on “being themselves,” and then not doing it myself.

My word for 2025 is elevate. One of the ways I’m trying to elevate my business, myself, and others, is to create more and consume less.

In the spirit of that, I’m challenging myself to share “50 mantras for Turning 50” throughout this calendar year.

So, here we go!

𝐌𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐚 #𝟏: 𝐓𝐑𝐔𝐒𝐓 π˜πŽπ”π‘π’π„π‹π…

The biggest regrets I have, and the biggest mistakes I made, were when I didn’t trust myself.

When I gave too much power to others’ voices and not enough power to my own.

I have a “trust yourself” sticker on my laptop and intentionally put it there so I see it every day.

πŸ’œIt’s a reminder that I DO know what the heck I’m doing. (And so do you!)
πŸ’œThat, I’ve done hard things before and I can do them again.
πŸ’œTo trust my gut and not ignore red flags.
πŸ’œTo take risks and bet on myself.

Trusting ourselves is scary and takes practice. We’re constantly barraged by messages telling us that we shouldn’t trust ourselves.

I don’t always get it right. I stumble often.

But, I’m committed to trying and learning.

And honestly, at almost 50, I’m also trying to have more fun (hence the F-bo** that sits on my laptop, too, courtesy of my friend’s daughter).

What about π˜πŽπ”?

What’s a mantra that’s helping you right now?

(You don’t have to share your age. Unless you want to!)

Passion is a luxury

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I had passion. I was 25 years old, Master’s Degree in hand and a year of full-time service with AmeriCorps under my belt. I was a faithful, faith-filled, world-changing, ass-kicker.

And then I grew up.

Then my kid got sick. Then my life changed course. Then I lied to myself and told myself to keep going even though I knew it felt wrong. It still feels wrong- like wearing shoes that are too tight.

Part of our student affairs messaging has been that “how you do stuff matters” and I bought that hook, line, sinker. I built my career and my education on it. But the last six years have shown me that thatΒ message is only the message. It doesn’t translate to practice.

I was passionate until I got burned. Until I was betrayed by friends in multiple job searches.Until I have seen colleagues with questionable moral compasses and inappropriate office etiquette get promoted. Until I called HR and aired serious concerns about fellow “professionals'” behavior, only to be told that “it wasn’t illegal.”

It takes courage to stay in environments where you’re not passionate. I do not say that to be a martyr. But to give people S P A C EΒ to breathe. To give myself room. I am drowning. I am bitter with words that I have choked back for years for fear of…what? Being labeled negative? Too late. For being labeled aggressive? Also too late. For fear of not getting hired, or branded right, or or or or? What?

I am so tired of hiding. Of not sharing my personal truth for fear of haters and trolls. The fact that I feel this fear, and have felt this fear for years, speaks volumes about how we treat whistle-blowers and dissenting voices in our profession. I know I am not alone. I have Twitter DMs and email streams from my fellow passion-naysayers. Yet, so few of us take the time to write about the shadows we all experience.

At 40 years old, with two small children, multiple mortgages, car payments, orthodontics, and a college fund, passion is a luxury I cannot afford. The flip side of the passion coin is obligation. I have obligations that I have chosen. As a grown-up, I cannot and I will not toss them aside to pursue my passions. My passions are: chocolate, wine, writing, reading, reading, napping, and binge-watching old school episodes of Grey’s Anatomy. Last time I checked that was not a full-time job with health and retirement benefits. If you find such a position, please share my LinkedIn profile with the committee. Because, my LI is up to date and properly branded πŸ˜‰

Passion is a bullshit bill of goods that we all got sold in grad school to make up for crappy pay and long hours. I have friends who are teachers, pharmacists, state employees, and accountants. The only people talking about passion are the teachers and I think part of that is because they get snow days and summers off.

Work can be work.Β Β Passion is a luxury that many people can’t afford. Passion also reeks of privilege, but that’s another post. So, let’s practice what we preach and start doing for each other what we profess to do for students. Let’s back-off the passion rhetoric and let peopleΒ B E. Let people choose what works for them.

My hands are shaking and there is a voice in my head screaming at me not to hit publish. I am feeling shame and vulnerability right now. I am choosing to live into it and share my story. Brene Brown says that writing messages doesn’t give the message power, it gives you power.

I hope she’s right. Here we go…..