Grief changes all the rules

Thanks everyone for your words and for taking the time to read my blog and respond to my #11 and #12 things….(post from January 5)

As a person of faith, I actually believe that when people die, they do go to a better place and that their earthly suffering ends. Especially, the kid cancer warriors. They endure so much, for so long. I absolutely believe that they are in “a better place” after they die. I believe that the kiddos are finally free. Free from their suffering, free to run, and play, and jump and laugh. I believe that in Heaven, our children are beautiful and pure again. But, I would never say that to a grieving parent because that is what I believe, not necessarily what they believe or want to hear.

Some parents I know also believe as I do and it is okay to share these dreams and visions with them. I have done so with a few other Mommas and I have treasured those conversations and always will. It is important, though, to remember that others do not believe that their children are in a better place. This is their right as the grieving parent. The world of childhood cancer has taught me that comforting a friend is about them and what they need, not about what I need or believe. Being a friend is about doing and saying things to make my friend feel better. It’s not about me.

It is funny to me (not ha-ha funny, but ironic funny, I guess) that I am writing a post about believing one thing and saying another. I usually preach about “meaning what you say and saying what you mean.” This philosophy often gets me in trouble (see previous posts about my big mouth). However, I believe that grief changes everything and everyone and in those cases, the old adages about honesty no loner apply. Grief cuts away part of your soul and it never goes back completely. I know this. I must honor this in others as well.