“Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it.”
Well, I got what I wished for…I was accepted to the Listen to Your Mother Metro Detroit show! You can see the official cast announcement here.
Holy buckets! I am so nervous I might barf. I am so excited I can’t sit still. It is an honor to be chosen from among the almost 50 women who auditioned. It is a great privilege to be able to share our journey through #childhoodcancer and how it has influenced how I think of myself as a mother.
When I told S the good news, I said “I think I am becoming a writer.” He said, “You have always been a writer. Now, you are writing.”
“If your dreams don’t scare you, they’re not big enough.”
This quote (not sure who originally said it, I have seen it so many times) inspired my #oneword2014 choice of “risk.” My goal this year is to push myself out of my comfort zone and not just talk about taking risks but to actually take them.
I took a huge risk today. I am auditioning for the Listen to Your Mother Detroit show. I think I might throw up. I am so nervous. I am nervous that I will not get chosen and then I will come back here and tell everyone. I am nervous that I will get chosen and then I will have to stand up in front of an auditorium full of people and read my writing. Somehow posting on the inter-webs feels safer than a face-to-face reading.
So, the fact that I am terrified tells me that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
My audition is February 1. Prayers, good thoughts, juju whatever are totally welcomed and appreciated.
Something happened at school today, Mommy, but I don’t want to tell you about it.
Why honey?
Because I don’t want you to get mad at me.
I won’t get mad. You can tell me honey, its okay.
Even if I do something bad?
Even if you do something bad, baby.
It doesn’t feel like it when you get angry with me.
I raise my voice sometimes honey because I get frustrated. But I always love you.
If it’s doubly bad?
Even then sweet pea. Honey, I will always love you. I love who you are, not what you do.
What if it’s quadruple bad?
Yes, bugaboo. Always. That’s the magic of moms. We always love our babies. I promise.
I am not ready to tell you yet. Can we stop talking about it? Let’s do butterfly kisses, Mommy.
Okay, baby.
Why are they called butterfly kisses? Oh, I get it. Like if a butterfly’s wings are on your cheek?
When did my baby grow up and how is he so mature that he can recognize when he is ready to talk about something and when he isn’t? I’m 38 and I have yet to master that skill.
And more important, how do I tell my son that my love is forever? That I will never, ever, stop loving him? That there is nothing that I would not do for him? How do you teach a six year old about love?
As a mother, I learn something new about love every day. Today, I learned that I cannot teach my son about love. I have to show him. I have to never stop loving. Never stop showing him my love, in word, in action, in thought, and prayer.
The wonderful thing about being a mom is that we forget everything and nothing. I will forget what he did at school today. I will always remember his sweet face under his blue blanky as he asks me to rub his back.
musingsfromthemiddle 