Tonight at bedtime with C:
Something happened at school today, Mommy, but I don’t want to tell you about it.
Because I don’t want you to get mad at me.
I won’t get mad. You can tell me honey, its okay.
Even if I do something bad?
Even if you do something bad, baby.
It doesn’t feel like it when you get angry with me.
I raise my voice sometimes honey because I get frustrated. But I always love you.
If it’s doubly bad?
Even then sweet pea. Honey, I will always love you. I love who you are, not what you do.
What if it’s quadruple bad?
Yes, bugaboo. Always. That’s the magic of moms. We always love our babies. I promise.
I am not ready to tell you yet. Can we stop talking about it? Let’s do butterfly kisses, Mommy.
Why are they called butterfly kisses? Oh, I get it. Like if a butterfly’s wings are on your cheek?
When did my baby grow up and how is he so mature that he can recognize when he is ready to talk about something and when he isn’t? I’m 38 and I have yet to master that skill.
And more important, how do I tell my son that my love is forever? That I will never, ever, stop loving him? That there is nothing that I would not do for him? How do you teach a six year old about love?
As a mother, I learn something new about love every day. Today, I learned that I cannot teach my son about love. I have to show him. I have to never stop loving. Never stop showing him my love, in word, in action, in thought, and prayer.
The wonderful thing about being a mom is that we forget everything and nothing. I will forget what he did at school today. I will always remember his sweet face under his blue blanky as he asks me to rub his back.
C, I will always love you. Always and all ways.