Career Coaching

Trust yourself

50 Mantras for Turning 50

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2025 is a big year for me and my business, Sheldrake Consulting, LLC.

I turned 50 in April. πŸŽ‚

And Sheldrake was TEN in February. πŸŽ‰

I’ve spent many hours pondering (worrying) about whether to share that or not.

As many women know, ageism and sexism are alive and well.

But, it would be pretty darn hypocritical of me to coach clients on “being themselves,” and then not doing it myself.

My word for 2025 is elevate. One of the ways I’m trying to elevate my business, myself, and others, is to create more and consume less.

In the spirit of that, I’m challenging myself to share “50 mantras for Turning 50” throughout this calendar year.

So, here we go!

𝐌𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐚 #𝟏: 𝐓𝐑𝐔𝐒𝐓 π˜πŽπ”π‘π’π„π‹π…

The biggest regrets I have, and the biggest mistakes I made, were when I didn’t trust myself.

When I gave too much power to others’ voices and not enough power to my own.

I have a “trust yourself” sticker on my laptop and intentionally put it there so I see it every day.

πŸ’œIt’s a reminder that I DO know what the heck I’m doing. (And so do you!)
πŸ’œThat, I’ve done hard things before and I can do them again.
πŸ’œTo trust my gut and not ignore red flags.
πŸ’œTo take risks and bet on myself.

Trusting ourselves is scary and takes practice. We’re constantly barraged by messages telling us that we shouldn’t trust ourselves.

I don’t always get it right. I stumble often.

But, I’m committed to trying and learning.

And honestly, at almost 50, I’m also trying to have more fun (hence the F-bo** that sits on my laptop, too, courtesy of my friend’s daughter).

What about π˜πŽπ”?

What’s a mantra that’s helping you right now?

(You don’t have to share your age. Unless you want to!)

Both/And

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I saw a post on #LinkedIn a few days ago asking about the two most important business lessons you’ve learned. I have my answer. The two most important things I have learned in business AND life, love, relationships, and parenting are:

  1. BOTH
  2. AND

I’ve learned that it IS possible to hold two seemingly contradictory ideas at the same time and both of them are true. It IS possible to feel two competing emotions at the same time and both of them are equally real. These ideas run counter to our current culture of fierce alliances and bold lines drawn in the cement (not sand). I’m learning that I’ve always been counter-cultural and I’m cool with it now. For years, I beat myself up because I thought my 30s and 40s would be a time of great awakening to ANSWERS. I would figure it out and feel….settled. Complete. Whole. Secure.

I am 43 and I do finally feel complete, whole, and secure, but it’s not because things got wrapped up in a bow and I’ve arrived. As my husband and I remind each other, there’s no Hollywood ending. I am complete, whole, and secure, because I’ve finally embraced my incompleteness, my brokenness, and my insecurity.

(I think of it as trying to unknot a tangled necklace. It’s tight and jumbled and just when you’re about to give up and toss it, you find the knot that’s binding all the others and it comes undone. I was going to write about this, but then Brene Brown did and she’s amazing, and it was like I was listening to myself, so read her postΒ on unraveling instead.)

Leaning in and softening are easier than hardening and bristling.Β Here are some of the both/ands in my life that I’m learning to love.

  1. I am both proud and embarrassed to be an American right now.
  2. I am both encouraged by protest marches and discouraged that they’re necessary.
  3. I both miss my home state (NJ) and know that living there permanently would not be good for me mentally.
  4. I both love my home in Michigan and wish it were closer to old friends and family.
  5. I am both relieved that my son survived cancer and pissed that he was ever diagnosed.
  6. I am both a survivor and perpetrator of gossip in the workplace.
  7. I am both grateful that I had the courage to step out on my own and frustrated that I needed to.
  8. I am both excited and terrified by every call I have with a potential client.
  9. I am both a devoted mother and a slacker mother.
  10. I am both a sinner and loved.

I’m struggling with how to end this post. I would love a bow to stick on it. But, that’s eluding me for now. So….Thanks for reading. Off to do more both/and-ing.

More than a tagline

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One of the stories I tell about my business (Sheldrake Consulting) is: “After 18 years, I quit my stable job in higher ed and took my business full-time.” Technically, this is true. But it’s not the whole story. It took me five years to build my business and muster the courage (kick in the behind, really) to give it a go. Five. years.

I started writing resumes in 2012. Students were advising themselves on all things career- not a good idea. I saw a gap and I volunteered to fill it. I started helping them write their resumes and cover letters. I did this- for free- eek! for almost a year. Finally, I started asking for LinkedIn recommendations in exchange for my time and expertise. About a year after that I charged non-student clients a very small fee. Very small.

In 2015, I finally chose a name for my company and became an LLC. I increased my fee. Then, I increased it again.

My former “career” started to unravel in 2016. I was being bullied and abused by upper management and it became clear that there was no future in that role. Then,Β in 2017, “after 18 years, I quit my stable job in higher ed and took my business full-time.” In June I will celebrate one full year as an n of 1. While terrifying (it still is), it wasn’t that big of a stretch to go full-time. I had been doing it for years. I had practice. I was getting referrals. I had saved enough money to hire a graphic designer to create a real logo. And my business is what I have always done- helping others be better versions of themselves.

Don’t be wooed by “overnight success stories.” There’s no such thing. Starting a business is more than a tagline. You have to want it and you have to work for it. Entrepreneurs, solo-preneurs, side-hustlers, small business owners got where we are because we put in the time, money, blood, sweat, tears, self-doubt, and sleepless nights to make our ideas reality. You can, too! I believe that. Everyone has something to offer. If your next adventure involves setting out on your own- go for it! The self-employed/small business community is awesome and supportive. Be smart and strategic. Keep doing the next right thing. Take small steps each day and that will take you all the way home. Good luck!