Change your view of the fishbowl

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In student affairs there is a lot of messaging around being watched. From our first days of RA training to our interviews for mid and upper level positions we are constantly being told that “people are watching you.” We expect our staffs and ourselves to constantly be on, to always serve as role models, to never make a misstep. Or, if you do, don’t ever do it publicly. This is exhausting. I remember being a senior in college sitting in RA training and absolutely panicking during these speeches lectures. “Am I ready for this? What would happen if I stumbled? Would I lose my job that I really, really needed to help pay for school and that I really, really wanted because I saw myself as someone with something to offer students and my university?” #AMDG!

Yesterday was our all college retreat. It was an invigorating day. When the president of the university makes time to come speak to you (we’re one of the smallest colleges on campus) that’s a big deal and speaks volumes about who and what she values. When the new Dean stands up and says, “We move forward together or we sink together” that’s a great gut check.

I had to check myself.

I’ve gotten in my own way because I have been seeing myself and my career from inside the fishbowl, rather than outside it. I have let the messaging about executive presence and role modeling and blah blah turn into noise instead of what it is- good advice.

Yesterday I arrived extra early so I had time to get settled, finish my coffee, and check-in to the event without rushing. (I am not a morning person.) Yesterday I wore a skirt and a jacket. I felt and looked great. Turns out, these were good decisions as the Dean saw me walk in and I got to spend a few minutes chatting with him. Now, I didn’t do these things to falsely create an interaction with the dean- it just happened. But, it happened because I was here and ready to go. It happened because I chose to put myself in a good light. That will only help me.

One of my many goals for the 2015-2016 year is to see myself and my career as outside the fishbowl. Instead of thinking of it as pressure, I am flipping the script and seeing it as opportunity. People are watching. Always. We make mental notes about each other. That sounds sneaky and sometimes it is (that’s another post). But, it’s true. People remember. I am going to work smarter to let them catch me doing something well. I am choosing to see the fishbowl as an opportunity to shine.

We need to change the messaging about our roles in higher education. We need to encourage and teach our students, colleagues, and ourselves to see the fishbowl as a chance to show people what you’re capable of. I remember my brother said to me once that if you’re prepared, the test can be fun. The same can be true of work. Prepare (whatever that looks like for you). Then when the “test” comes, you’re ready. It shouldn’t be about fear. It’s a gift.

Truthfully, most of us are more ready than we give ourselves credit for. Shine and swim on, friends!

(Fishbowl Image from: http://www.school-clipart.com/school_clipart_images/cat_watching_a_goldfish_0515-0910-1217-0517_SMU.jpg)

Starting over in mid-career

#SAMid is back from vacation! Kristen Abell shares what it was like to start over in mid-career. Thank you, Kristen for sharing your story.

Three years ago, I was 35 and running a university housing department of approximately 1300 students and growing. I was presenting at conferences and serving on committees all over the place. You name it, I had my fingers in it, as any high-performing mid-level student affairs career woman does.

What I also had were severe health problems – both physical and mental, a ridiculously high stress level, and not nearly enough support to keep going for much longer. I also had a strong interest in learning more about web technology – specifically building and maintaining websites – and not enough time to spend on that interest.

And then I interviewed and accepted a position that was not only a step into a completely different department, but a step down – into a position as a web developer for the university. I was no longer a mid-level professional by most standards (though I still consider myself mid-career). In fact, I was starting practically from the beginning. The learning curve was steep, but I was doing something I enjoyed, I was learning a ton of new stuff, and I wasn’t killing myself in the process.

Was it hard to start over? You bet. I still have people asking me how I like my “new” job – you know, the one I’ve been at for two-and-a-half years now. There were a number of people who just didn’t understand – I mean, the career ladder is only supposed to go up for those people that are competent, right? Also, as I got uninvited from certain meetings and groups, I definitely felt the weight my director position had held – and the weight I didn’t have now. To be honest, that part of it sucks pretty hardcore. There’s nothing like having doors that used to be opened to you suddenly slammed in your face – not because you’ve changed as a person, but because the work you do has changed. On the flip side, I figured out who my real friends and colleagues were pretty quickly – and I’ve been able to maintain relationships with them.

Here’s the thing – people say it’s never too late to start over, and they’re right. You can even do it mid-career – believe me, I know. As long as you can understand and deal with the fact that there may be repercussions for that move. But weigh it against what you’re trying to do and make sure those repercussions weigh more than the benefits before you give into them. For me, they haven’t. And because of the depth of my experience, I’ve been given opportunities that others starting out in this career from the beginning probably haven’t been given. These often allow me a chance at leadership that I might never have gotten otherwise.

I know I’m not your typical mid-career student affairs professional – and I’ll be honest, I sort-of love that. It fits with the twisty, curvy path I’ve chosen to take in life. Is this path for everyone? Hell, no. But if you’re a brave soul who is looking for something different, don’t be afraid to turn down the road less taken. I promise you, it’s doable – and I’d even argue it’s infinitely more interesting.

Kristen Abell

Kristen Abell is a web developer at the University of Missouri-Kansas City and has been in student affairs for fifteen years, in a variety of roles. She’s worked primarily in housing and women’s centers at three different universities over that time. She has a bachelor’s degree in psychology, women’s studies and English and a master’s in social welfare from theUniversity of Kansas.

Kristen has been blogging since 2006, and she is a cofounder of and blogger at the Student Affairs Women Talk Tech collaborative blog. She has presented both regionally and nationally on various subjects in students affairs.

In addition to student affairs, Kristen blogs frequently about the issue of mental illness, especially depression. She edited and contributed to the Committed e-series and book on mental illness in student affairs with colleague Sue Caulfield.

Applying means SOMEthing, but not everything

I have done a lot of job searching in my life. Some of them went well. Most didn’t, truth be told. I have applied for way more jobs than I have ever been offered jobs. In my years of searching and now coaching others, I have learned some important lessons. Applying for a job- new, lateral, promotion- means something. It means something, but it doesn’t mean everything.

Job searching is hard. It means something to put yourself into the market.

Something

  • Applying/looking for a job is a full-time job. It’s work. Search, prepare unique resumes and cover letters for each one, wait, get your hopes up, repeat.
  • Do the work and put your best foot forward. That’s all you can do.
  • We tend to “what if” on the negative side of things. What if I don’t get this job? What if I do get it and my boss is awful?  What if I get it and I am awful? What if I get it and I hate it?
  • This “what iffing” is totally normal. It is human instinct to fear the unknown. But, don’t live there. Trust me, I’ve been there. It’s not pretty.
  • It takes courage to put yourself out there, let no one tell you any different.
  • Applying for jobs is an act of hope. You hope to get picked. You hope that they see in you all the things you see in yourself and they give you a shot.
  • Hope is a good thing.
  • Applying for jobs is draining. See bullet #1
  • Applying for jobs and not getting chosen is really draining.

Job searching is hard. It means something to put yourself into the market. But, it doesn’t mean everything.

Not everything

  • To even get to the phone interview stage is huge. It means you have made it past multiple screens (robots, more robots, and maybe a person or two) already. Congratulations! That is a big deal. We need to tell ourselves and each other that more often, I think.
  • You did the work. You put forward your best application. That is all you can do.
  • Your identity, your worth, your sense of self, your gift to the world has nothing to do with whether or not you got the job.
  • Your identity, your worth, your sense of self, your gift to the world has everything to do with who you are, how you treat people, and the legacy you leave.
  • Not getting a job isn’t personal. While it feels personal to you, it’s not about you personally. Ironic that I am saying this as I am a person who takes almost everything personally. But, I have fallen down this rabbit hole and beaten myself up over not getting picked. It’s like gym class and prom all over again. It sucks, sure. Let yourself be sad. Wallow for a bit with your yoga pants and NetFlix. And then move on.
  • There are hundreds of factors beyond your control- ageism, sexism, racism, nepotism, quotas, internal candidates, external candidates, “fit” (shudder)- that influence who gets picked.
  • The person doing the hiring has an agenda that may or may not ever be revealed to you. It may not even be their agenda. The agenda isn’t about you.
  • The most qualified, most educated, most skilled person doesn’t always get the job. The most qualified, most educated, most skilled person as deemed by the person(s) setting the agenda get the job.
  • Read the third bullet again.

You decide your worth. You decide your joy. Don’t let getting a job, or not getting a job, do the deciding for you.


If you need help with your resume, cover letter, or interview coaching, contact me: sheldrakeconsulting@gmail.com. It’d be my honor to help you put your best foot forward.