student affairs

What do you do when your why changes?

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I am currently reading Simon Sinek’s book, Start with why. He suggests that successful people, organizations, teams, and  companies are those that have a clear why. They never lose sight of their why. Everything they do (how and what) is focused on their why. Floundering organizations lost sight of their why and became fixated on how and what.

I started this “career” in 1999 with a clear why.

Why- I believed that students could get the most of their college experiences by being aware of the opportunities available to them and then taking full advantage of them.

How- higher education administration

What- student affairs programs and services that help students

I have been floundering since 2010. Rudderless.

I am no longer interested in things that (to me) are silly or time sucks. My tolerance for BS is very low and my BS meter is on high alert. Yik Yak and student development theory are irrelevant in my day-to-day work. I know I am done when students email me with seemingly innocuous questions and I want to blow a gasket. Thankfully I am mature enough not to do so in public. But, the fact that I even want to is very telling.

How did I get here? I used to be passionate (barf) about my work. I used to believe that it mattered. I have been beating myself up asking “When did I lose my why? How do I get it back?” Reading this book, praying, listening to trusted friends and mentors, and letting go of some things has provided clarity.

I didn’t lose my why. My why (your why) isn’t a set of car keys. You don’t lose them and then find them again. A why is never lost.

My why changed on 12/12/2008 when my son was diagnosed with cancer. I wish that this wasn’t my why. Some days, I hate my why. I wish that I could change my why. But, I can’t. I know too much and I cannot go back to who I was before my son got sick. Truthfully, for me, going back would be a disservice to him and his fight, to our family’s fight, to my personal fight to become a better mother, a better person, an informed advocate.

I have spent the last five years (!?!?!)  trying to make myself into someone I am not. I have been trying to convince myself that I want things I do not want. That I am supposed to want them. I am a square peg and I’ve been trying to force myself into the round hole of student affairs.

My why changed but my situation has not. Even writing that is liberating. Gosh that really is it. I am not crazy. I am not incompetent. I am not a bad person or a bad professional. So what do you do when your why changes?

I. have. no. idea.

But I feel lighter than I have felt in years. And I am excited to see where the path will go next.

What would happen to “busy” if…

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Earlier this morning, I posted this on Twitter “In higher education, presence is more important than contribution, effectiveness, efficiency.” The glorification of busy is rampant. The American “busy” rhetoric stems from fear. If we are busy, then we are productive and therefore, valuable. Neither of these things are true. But we keep doing it, don’t we? We post on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, LinkedIn on and on and on. “Look at me!” “Look at me at this conference!”  “Look at me presenting this workshop!” Look at me writing this blogpost!” (irony anyone?)

Busy doesn’t equal productivity. Busy is just spinning wheels. Busy is for others, about others. And our value comes from who we are and the unique gifts and talents we bring, not a fancy Excel spreadsheet or working til 8pm every night. We need a workplace shift, a recognition and reward shift to productivity, accountability, impact, and efficacy. I bet that if we were judged on those things, then employee engagement and loyalty will increase. I want to be judged for the good that I produce, my outcomes, the things I create, the programs I make better, the relationships that I nurture. I do not want to be judged on how frazzled I look while trying to push paper.

I want to know what my employer believes and then I want to believe what my employer believes.

“If you hire people just because they can do a job, they’ll work for your money. But if you hire people who believe what you believe, they’ll work for you with blood, sweat, and tears.” – Simon Sinek

I would suggest that this really is what most people are looking for. As humans, we are social creatures. We were designed to belong- to a cause, purpose, another person, a family, a group. We need each other. We are hungry to feel that we belong. Each of us has a sign around our necks that says “See me. Believe in me.” What are we doing to really honor this in ourselves, our colleagues, students?

What would happen to busy if we started working for belief, rather than a job/money? Of course, I need this job (kids, mortgage, retirement) and some of the time I enjoy it. But what would happen if instead of presence, just taking up space, I was compensated/recognized/rewarded for my impact? What if, in higher education we started rewarding efficiency and efficacy, rather than presence? I know for me, I would start giving my blood, sweat, and tears and not just my time.

No more fixing

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About two weeks ago colleagues and I wrote a post about Loving your work. It generated some interesting conversations on Twitter and continues to emerge in various Facebook groups, Twitter chats (#sachat), and professional conference backchannels (check out #ACPA15). Earlier this week I had a parallel conversation with a Nursing colleague. She has years of experience as both a nurse in practice and as an administrator.

We got chatting about students and why they are drawn to Nursing. I have had time to process our conversation. It is now one of my all time favorite conversations. I believe that every time the word nurse is mentioned, it can be substituted with higher education professional, student affairs professional, teacher, social worker…any helping professional. And the word patients can be substituted with students.

Most of our students are drawn to this selfless, helping profession for all the right reasons. They want to help people. But some students have failed in other fields and are coming to nursing because they are still damaged and broken and think that nursing will fix them. Your role as a nurse is to help patients. It is not a mutual relationship. You serve. Patients take. Your success and your joy comes from watching your patients heal. If there is drama in clinical, it’s because of you, not the patient. Nursing is a continuum- excellent to mediocre to bad- and you get to choose what kind of nurse you are and where on that continuum you want to be.

Whoa.

WHOA.

How many of us student affairs professionals go into this field because we want to help people? I raise my hand. I was an undergraduate student leader who wanted to do this for my life to help others have similar experiences. In and of itself wanting to help others is a good thing. But the help has to be about the recipient, not the giver.

I want to help people. This is about you as the helper.

I want to help people. Where is the want coming from? If we dig deep, how many student affairs professionals are here because we are looking to be fixed?

I want to help people. Better.

I want to help people. This is where we should all strive to be. Just as nurses need to be patient-focused, we need to be student-focused. The work that we do is about students and their outcomes, not our own.

If nurses care for patients while broken, their internal holes, their brokenness, will grow. The patient is there for him/herself, not the nurse.

The same with students.

If we come to our work broken, looking to be fixed, our students will drag us along with them. Because that is what they are supposed to do. It’s about them. Our work is not for mutual benefit.

Our work is not to fix ourselves through students.

Our work is not fix students.

Our work is to help students fix themselves.